10 True Crime Adjacent Halloween Costumes That Are Not Gross or Tacky (Hopefully)
I’m not gonna lie, some of these are pretty niche
Square from rigged McDonald’s Monopoly Game
In the '90s, McDonalds tried a cute cross-promotion with Monopoly, with the promise of up to a million dollars in prizes if customers collected the lucky pieces. Only problem was, the fix was in! I won’t spoil the intricacies of the scam because I want to encourage all of you to watch the highly entertaining docuseries McMillions, but rest assured there are twists and turns aplenty.
Bonus costume idea: FBI Special Agent Doug Matthews
No copaganda, and I’m not sure you’d want to be seated next to him at a wedding, but he’s very funny in the doc.
Cheese sandwich served at Fyre Fest
Is this costume a little bit dated? Maybe. But with Fyre Festival 2 apparently haunting our collective futures, it could be time for a reminder of the jinxed con that launched a thousand (well two) documentaries. And I would watch two thousand more in a heartbeat.
Bonus costume idea: The side salad
Rand Paul’s Yard Waste
For the political junkies out there! Back in 2017, libertarian doofus and junior Senator Rand Paul was (and this is wrong) injured in an attack from his neighbor, who was infuriated over a dispute over, amongst other lawn-related issues, where the “honorable” gentleman from Kentucky was dumping his yard clippings.
Bonus Costume Idea: One of the sources from which Rand Paul plagiarized his book and speeches
Michael Stipe performing “What’s the Frequency, Kenneth?”
For my Gen X babies. The 1994 R.E.M. song off of Monster was inspired by an incident in 1986 when newscaster Dan Rather was assaulted by two men outside his Park Avenue apartment, one of whom who was repeating the phrase: “Kenneth, what’s the frequency.” Here’s some inspo:
Bonus Costume Idea: Dan Rather performing the song alongside R.E.M. Warning: might be too terrifying for some:
Northwest Orient Airlines Flight 305
The real ones won’t even have to Google.
There are a lot of ways you could go with this: the plane, the flight attendant who received the note, the manifest itself!
Bonus Costume Idea: Tommy Wiseu. Why? Here’s why.
Flyswatter from Max Headroom Signal Hijacking
Thirty-five years ago, two Chicago TV stations’ feeds were taken over by a person wearing a Max Headroom mask and costume. TWICE. This person, and those responsible for the pirate broadcast, have never been identified. Towards the end of the second video, the masked figure is spanked with a flyswatter. That’s where your costume comes in.
Bonus Costume Idea: Engineer frantically trying to regain control of signal
Isabella Stewart Gardner
Even if there was no crime connection, it would be so fun to dress up as the daughter of a wealthy linen merchant.
But there *is* a crime. Isabella was a noted philanthropist and art lover, and she created a museum in Boston to house and display her collection. In 1990, that museum was ROBBED. The thieves made off with thirteen works of art, and the heist remains unsolved. There’s a pretty good Netflix docuseries on the incident called This Is a Robbery which includes some footage of the gorgeous museum and grounds.
Bonus Costume Idea: Either of these Bad Bitches from The Gilded Age (the period during which Isabella was a celebrated personality: maybe she’ll be in season 2!)
A single feather stolen from the British National History Museum in Tring
A weirdie but a goodie! This article gives a good primer and this episode of This American Life is one of my favorites, but the tl;dr(or listen) is that in 2009, an American flautist named Edwin Rist stole thousands of feathers from the collection of a 19th-century explorer. His plan: to sell them on the “feather underground.”
Bonus Costume Idea: Edwin Rist’s flute or a member of your choosing from the “feather underground”
Manila Envelope in which the “weeping icon” of St. Irene was returned through the USPS
So this is my dad’s bar none favorite true-crime story—he tells it every Christmas—so I had to include it here. In 1991, an icon was stolen from a Greek Orthodox church in Queens. Many believers revered the painting for its healing powers after it appeared to generate tears during the first Persian Gulf war. Four armed individuals stole the icon, along with its jewel-encrusted frame, worth thousands, on December 23rd. It was mailed back to the bishop, sans frame, days later. Weird, right? Why take the time to mail back the painting?
In my dad’s telling, Gambino crime family boss and Queens resident John Gotti, imprisoned at the time, put out a statement through his lawyers that he would greatly appreciate the icon being returned so worshippers could view it during the holiday season.1 Being way more afraid of the Mob than local law enforcement, the thieves complied with as much speed as the USPS could offer. They stuck it in a mailer and made off with the frame, hoping Gotti would understand.
Bonus Costume Idea: Me, when I underwent voir dire for another member of the Gambino crime family’s trial. A story for another newsletter.
In the UPI story I found, Gotti’s involvement is only rumored, but I like my dad’s version better, don’t you?
How about a saxophone from the Axe Murderer of New Orleans? A hickey from the Charles Starkweather murders?